i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
