1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
