She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
