I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we should paint friendship bongs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
