OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
