I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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