She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
