i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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