would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
