so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
