Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
