but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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