I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
