O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
