I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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