I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
