I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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