i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
