Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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