You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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