she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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