Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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