I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
