i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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