You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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