i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
