how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
