ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's the barista slut.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
