He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
