Dual....:-)
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
