Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
