He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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