4 words: hood of his car
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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