who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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