our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
