Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I want is dick and wine.
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