You can't special order awesome
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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