ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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