Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
