Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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