Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
