i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
