They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
