since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
