When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
