I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
