My underwear smells like fireworks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
