I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
