if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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