i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
