woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
